Mommyisms and other life lessons

New Year, New Everything!

2012-01-10T15:55:00.000-05:00

It has been awhile since I have had the chance to write anything. I sure have been thinking about a lot of things to write, but just haven't had the time to do it. Well, I am going to take these few moments I have to share some thoughts. I feel like I am on the verge of....something. I am not sure what exactly. I just feel like things are "opening up" for me. This year, I will turn 40. That used to scare the hell out of me. 40 was my "scary" age. Now that I am nearly there, I am not so afraid. Why the hell should I be afraid of an age? This is my life, I make what I can and want out of it so why be scared of something I can't change? Age isn't scary. This is part of living and I personally am so grateful to still be on this earth LIVING my life.

I feel that I have spent a lot of my life being afraid of things. Afraid of flying. Afraid of failing. Afraid of getting hurt. Afraid of death. fearfearfearfearfear.... If not fear it has been worry. Worrying has taken up so much of my life and it makes me sick. Worry comes with the territory when you become a parent but I worried about things long before I became a mother. I feel like worry became part of my life at birth. I pray constantly that I may worry less. Well, I am finally taking charge and I am going to embrace my fears and take control of the worry that wreaks havoc on my life! No more will I be kept up at night worrying about a bill I haven't paid or the strange and crazy illness I am afraid my husband or child might contract. I am on a mission to rid myself of all of the nonsense!

I do realize that I will never completely stop worrying about my child. She is the light in my life. My main purpose as her mother is to keep her safe, healthy and happy and I will always try to do that for her. But the senseless worrying, the crazy thoughts that creep into my head during the early morning hours keeping me awake have got to stop. I recently heard someone say, " Worry is like a rocking chair. It keeps you busy but you don't get anywhere." So very true!

This is my year for letting go of fear and worry. I know it will take a lot of work, but I am not afraid of hard work! I. Can. Do. This! What are you going to face head-on this year? What are you going to let go of? Think about it....

Yes, I am upset

2011-02-03T16:09:00.003-05:00

Speaking as someone who just lost her father 2 weeks ago, I would like to offer a few little tidbits of information on how to deal with someone who is grieving. Here are a few things NOT to say to someone who has recently lost someone as well as some advice on things you should do. Most of this is common sense, right? You would think so but believe me, it isn't.

What's wrong? Really? What the hell do you think is wrong? I don't care how long it has been since that person lost someone, do not ask this.

Is everything ok? Again, bonehead, no. everything is NOT ok right now.

You seem upset. No kidding. Gee, I just lost someone whom I loved and I seem upset? I can't understand why I would seem upset.

It will get better. I know this is meant to be comforting but it isn't. At least not at first. Just say you are sorry and give me a hug.

Maybe you should get out a little. OK. Maybe you should lose weight? Maybe you should stop smoking. Maybe you shouldn't eat so much crap. Feel better?

If you don't know what to say, just be there. Please, check up on me. Call me. Come over and see me. Being alone at a time like this sucks. Trust me. I know.

Don't offer excuses as to why you haven't been there. There are no excuses good enough for people to abandon those they care about in a time of need. And believe me, I need people right now. I understand being busy but it would be nice if you could make time for me right now.

It is nice to ask me how I am doing and I appreciate it but don't get offended when I don't have the answer you want which is "fine", "good" or anything positive. Don't make me feel like I need to put on a brave, happy face for you to make YOU feel better. I am the one who lost someone so let's put the narcissism on hold for now, ok?

Just because I am going through a horrible time right now does not mean that I don't appreciate what I have. I. Am. Grieving. When you lose someone close to you, it is horrible. No matter what the circumstances are, it is sad. Period. It takes T I M E to come to terms with it. What I have found over these last 2 weeks is that no one wants to accept that it might take a long time for me to heal. No one wants to hear the truth which is that I am heartbroken. For whatever reason, people tend to want to put a band aid on the hurt and just skip off and forget it. It just isn't fair for anyone to expect this of me right now. I am not trying to illicit sympathy. I am just amazed at how people treat grief and grieving and I would love for it to change and for people to be kinder. Not just for me. For anyone going through this.

2010-11-02T18:06:00.003-04:00

My grandmother was an amazing woman. I called her Poppy. No one really knows why I called her Poppy but it is the name that stuck and nearly everyone in her life eventually wound up calling her Poppy instead of her given name which was Emily. Poppy was the light of my life. From the moment I can remember I adored her. I spent nearly every summer with Poppy and Popo, my grandpa, from an early age. It was possibly the highlight of my year when school was out and I got to go see my grandparents and cousins in Massachusetts. Poppy and Popo were so good to me. They did not spoil me rotten, but they did. What I mean is that they did not shower me with "things" but they showered me with love and attention. They were the best grandparents I could have asked for. Sure, we had tough moments. Poppy and I fought often as I grew into my teenage years. But the memories I have of those summers are some of the best in my life. Popo left us when I was 12. That was my first experience with real loss. I still miss him.

Poppy eventually moved to Georgia to live with my Mom and I am thankful that I had those years to spend with her. She was active and made a new life for herself down here with us southerners. It could not have been easy after living most of her life up north and suddenly moving here in her 80's. When my husband and I moved back from California to GA with our newborn baby girl, I was able to spend some amazing moments with Poppy and for that, I will ever be grateful. Poppy left us nearly two years ago at the age of 93. She lived a wonderful, full life with many of us who loved and admired her. I think of her every single day. Sometimes it hits me at the strangest moments and I want to call her. When I realize that I can't talk to her, it still hurts like a fresh wound. It just goes to show that no matter the age, when someone leaves us, the loss is still felt. I love you so much, my Poppy. Always always.....

Suddenly obsessed

2010-08-13T13:56:00.002-04:00

I have a serious addiction. Yep. I am admitting it here and now. My name is Ali and I am addicted to...pasta. When it comes to those yummy noodles, you name it, I love it. I can't stay away! Oh, believe me, I have tried. I will go without having any pasta for days and then just as soon as I make organic mac and cheese for my daughter, it is over. Just one bite, I tell myself. I'll just have a taste. Before I know it, I have devoured a huge bowl full of the cheesy goodness. Done. Gone. My latest obsession is Suddenly Salad bacon and ranch flavor. Oh. My. Goodness!! It is so delicious!! I could eat the entire box if I let myself. Of course, I would probably be very sick afterward but I could do it!! So there you have it. I love pasta and I am not ashamed!! Go pick up a box of Suddenly Salad and join me in reveling in this tasty treat!

I'm back

2010-08-13T12:35:00.001-04:00

It has been too long since I have written anything and I am ready to get back into it! Being a stay at home mommy can present a few challenges when trying to carve out any time to do pretty much anything for myself. I know other mommy's will agree, right? Anyway, I am happy to get back into writing. I've decided to change a few things about my blog and include not only all of the crazy, wacky, amazing parts of being a parent, but also some advice, beauty and fashion tips and whatever I am thinking about at that moment. Not only am I a stay at home mom, but I am also a makeup artist, singer and I love fashion!! Hopefully, I can share things I have learned along the way and learn things from other people, too! Feel free to post positive, helpful comments here. I would just appreciate it if the negativity could stay away, please. Remember, if you don't have something nice to say.....

Thanks for reading!

A Great Day

2008-11-04T17:58:00.000-05:00

A few moments ago, I watched a news report about a 99 year old Black Woman who was going to vote. It was a momentous day for her because not too very long ago, if she were going to vote, they would possibly shoot her for trying. Today, not only is she able to cast her vote, but she is also able to vote for a Black Man for President! It brought tears to my eyes. No matter what your political beliefs are, when you think about the fact that forty or so years ago, black people were not permitted to vote in this country and now a black man could potentially be our next President.... Well, it is awe-inspiring to say the least. It seems as though this was a long time coming and I am proud that the day is here, no matter who wins.

Work vs. Work

2008-09-12T15:08:00.001-04:00

This is a conversation that has been going back and forth for far too long, yet never seems to make any ground either way. Working outside the home Moms vs. Stay at home Moms....Can we "have it all" and what does that mean? Personally, I do believe that if you want to "have it all" i.e. have a career and be a mother, you can and should. My hat is off to those women because I have a hard enough time as it is staying at home and raising my family let alone having a full- time-outside- the- home job to juggle, too. It is amazing to me the number of people, mostly WOMEN mind you, who seem to think that my staying home is a luxury, and that I sit around all day with my girlfriends eating chocolate and drinking champagne. That all I do is a bit of laundry, take care of my baby and a few other things and that is it. You would not believe, or maybe you would if you are in this situation also, how many people have suggested that I "get a job".... OK, first of all, I have a job. The most important job anyone will ever have and I am damn good at it too!!! I not only take care of our beautiful baby girl, but I manage our home, including finances, as well. Not an easy task. I also have outside jobs to bring in extra money, which do take time and energy. You might say I have three jobs right now. Now, do not get me wrong... I LOVE staying home. This is what my husband and I decided was best for OUR family and I am thankful for every second of time I get with my daughter. I am just really tired of being criticized for it. I also do not understand it when people constantly insist that I should get away from my daughter more. I am "away" from her twice a week and that is plenty. Also, I did not have a child just so I could escape from her or give her to someone else to raise! It seems as though you can never win, can you? You can't please everyone so why try, yes? If I worked 50 hrs a week out of the home, I would be a bad Mom, in some eyes, and then those who judge would tell me to "cut back on work". If I stay at home, they want me to get a "job". Well, as soon as I post this, I am letting it all go. This is my life, our life, and we'll do what WE want, right? No more apologies, people!! If you don't agree with my choices, fine. You don't have to live my life. Thankfully, it is my life....

My new name...Mommy

2008-07-16T15:08:00.001-04:00

I am a relatively "new" Mom. Actually,I really think the term new mom should be saved for women who gave birth or adopted a baby and are in the first three months, but we'll say I'm new. My baby girl is 8.5months old and being a mom is amazing to me. Amazing, daunting, scary, exhausting, thrilling and joyous for the most part. I love it. I really do. I waited quite a long time, by some standards that is, to become a parent. My husband and I wanted to make sure it was the "right time" which is so absurd to me now because there is never a "right time" for parenting. The "right time" usually implies that you are finished partying and having fun and ready to "settle down" as well as financially ready to become a parent, right? I mean, there are other factors of course but those are the big ones that spring to mind at this moment. Well, as any parent can tell you, you are NEVER financially ready for children. I don't care how much money you have, you always need more. That is just how it is, right? We waited until we felt ready and while I am glad we did, I also cannot believe we waited so long. Being a mom comes pretty naturally to me. Probably because I was a nanny for many years and I am very comfortable with babies and older children. That being said, it is VERY different when you have one of your own!! First of all, there are the sleepless nights. I have struggled with insomnia for most of my adult life and now I know why God gave me that particular struggle... to prepare me for being a mom!! I had heard all the stories and read all the books but nothing compares to going through it yourself. It SUCKS!!! It just does. Somehow you manage, though. I have survived and no one has been hurt-yet. There is also the breastfeeding which is very difficult to begin with but if you are able to stick it out, it can be a wonderful experience. Of course, once it is over, say goodbye to your breasts. Without going into too much detail, let's just say they are NOT the same. Bring on the padded bras!! The joys of being a mom are endless. First smiles, giggles, coos, and so many more. Our daughter just started to crawl and pull up on her own. It is so much fun to watch her figure things out for herself! Who knew how exciting it could be to watch her pull up and fall back down on her butt over and over again. I could watch her for hours!! And yes, I am the mom who talks non-stop about my baby. It cannot be helped. I try to find interesting things to talk about but there just isn't anything else as interesting to me as my daughter's new teeth. Other friend-parents can relate, but I know my friends who don't have children are bored witless. I'm sorry, sort of. I'm really proud of my baby and her accomplishments!! While it may bore some, it is wonderful to me. I'm her biggest fan! What all of this boils down to is that being a mother is a huge responsibility with many, many rewards. It can be a challenge, but look at the payoff. Is there anything better? To me the answer is, no. This is it...

First Blog

2008-07-16T14:31:00.000-04:00

This is my first blog on my new site and I am very excited! Right now, I am just testing it out but there will be much more said in the future. I appreciate comments, although if you have something nasty to say just for the sake of being nasty, save it. Have a wonderful day and check back soon!!! xoxo